I'm on my way home right now. I just left a girls house, she gave me the best blow job ever! Wtf her dad walked in the room this morning while I was in her bed and gave her a kiss good morning. The whole time he didn't realise that the guy that just came all over his daughters face was in bed right beside her.
My usually uptight girlfriend tells me: “Let's try something new tonight!”. What a surprise! Looks like she is getting more open. She kissed me, went to start licking my balls, stuck her finger in my arse then screams and gets mad at me coz she had shit on her finger. Bitch nobody told you to do that smh..
After turning my boyfriend on and blowing him, he tells it better if he doesnt come in my mouth 'so we can go for round 2 in a bit and I will last more than 30 minutes”. I accept. Guess who's writing this now, 10 minutes after completely frustrated, and who's snoring in bed, satisfied! I'm gonna go f*** his roommate.
The worst thing happened to me. I met a girl on Tinder, met up with her, booked a hotel and started to have some amazing sex. I turned her over doggystyle and started pulling her hair and choking her until she f****** farted. I would have kept going but it blew right up in my face and it smelt soooo bad !! I waited for her to get in the shower and then I left.
I met a guy on eHarmony. After our second date, we went to his apartment to, basically, get drunk and have sex. He goes down on me and after a few minutes, I end up in excruciating pain. I look down and see blood everywhere. He bit off a piece of my fucking vagina.
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